I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year. I love him like crazy. He cheated on me about a month ago. I found out through a friend and he admitted it and apologized. He says that he really wants to be with me. I feel like things have been very different between us since it’s happened. I don’t feel that same strong connection like when we first got together. I just feel unsure if our relationship can handle the cheating. I also don’t feel like I can trust him any more. What do I do?
First off, I want to say that I’m sorry that you were cheated on. It can feel like a blow to the gut. I can understand your confusion. When you really love someone and cheating happens unexpectedly, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed with emotion. So what do you do now, you ask??
The low down about cheating…
Cheating can happen when the partner involved doesn’t feel as fulfilled in their relationship. This can happen when they aren’t feeling satisfied emotionally, sexually, or even intellectually. You said you haven’t felt as connected to your boyfriend since it happened, but what about before the cheating? Have you felt like things have been ‘good’ between you two? Maybe you’ve noticed that you’ve been pulling away from each other for awhile now. Maybe you don’t want to admit it. The real deal about cheating — It’s mostly used as an exit strategy. Yes, sometimes couples can go on happy after cheating takes place. But most of the time, it’s used as a way to communicate to their partner that they really don’t want to be in a relationship.
So the decision is up to you. You have 2 choices.
1) If you really think the relationship has a foundation to make it through this, then you may want to consider moving foward in the relationship. With that being said, there are a few things you want to take into consideration. Make sure you take time to truly forgive your boyfriend if you are going to do this. Forgiveness doesn’t happen over night, it’s process. If you can’t forgive your boyfriend, then you will not be able to move forward in the relationship. You also want to be really sure this is what you want, otherwise you’ll be wasting your time in a half assed relationship. You will also need to sit down with your boyfriend and find out why the cheating happened. How was he not feeling fulfilled? What he doing it from revenge? Find out the truth and make sure you have a mature conversation about it and discuss how the two of you can move forward.
2) If you feel like you can’t move forward with the relationship, then end it. If the thought of being with your boyfriend past the next month seems impossible and you can’t imagine trusting him again, then it’s okay to walk away. I’m sure you and your boyfriend have had many great memories together. Maybe you could tell, even before the cheating, that things were going downhill for you. Relationships don’t normally last forever. Cheating can often be a clear sign that it’s time to move on. It’s possible to do it with some respect for yourself and your boyfriend.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help you decide what to do: Do you honestly see the realtionship being long term? Do you feel in your gut that this person should be in your life? Do you really want this person in your life or are you terrified of letting go of your comfort with them?
I trust that you will make the best decision for yourself. You may just need to spend sometime alone to hear the truth.
If you have a question for ‘Ask Janelle’ about your relationship or breakup, send it over to [email protected] and you could get your question answered anonymously.