Is Your Casual, Distant Relationship Holding you Back From Meeting Other Guys?
Question: I’ve been dating a guy for about 7 months. It’s not serious because it’s a distant relationship. We talk often and he visits about once a month. We try to keep it casual, but I feel casual – out of town relationship is keeping me from dating anyone else. I am considering breaking things off. Everything I try, he tells me it’s not serious and we can date other people. He talks me into being friends or dating or whatever we are doing right now. Am I way off on thinking that this is closing me off from meeting other guys?
Answer: I can tell you are a smart girl. Casual distant relationships can keep you from being open to a new relationship and here is why. When we put our energy into dating someone, distant or not, they are receiving much of our energy. We feel comfortable knowing that they are they to call on. We can make exciting weekend plans. We have someone to call when we have something exciting to share. We have someone to text throughout the day. They serve us in so many ways of being in a partnership, but they aren’t actually a serious partnership. Maybe it would work with this guy if you lived in the same city and maybe it wouldn’t. They fact is, even though you live in different places, he’s probably taking up a lot of your energy without even realizing it. If you were completely single you’d be able to open your heart to attract a new guy in your life. A new guy that lives in your same city.
This time, when he tries to talk you out of letting go, just explain to him that keeping the friendship at this time isn’t a good idea of either one of you. Tell him you need space. It’s the best thing for both of you to keep your options open. Even though this isn’t an official relationship, this still needs to act as a breakup. When you breakup with someone, space is necessary to truly move on. You may have to resist him asking you to hang out for an exciting weekend in the near future, but it’ll be worth it to keep your heart open to others. You may even need some time to heal from this quasi ‘breakup’. If this guy has been in your life for 7 months, chances are that you’ve grown emotionally attached so allow yourself some time for healing to process the breakup.
Again, you seem like a smart girl, so I know that you are going to heal and move ahead. Keep your heart open and optimistic about meeting a new guy and he’ll be in your life before you know it.
If you have a question for ‘Ask Janelle’ about your relationship or breakup, send it over to [email protected] and you could get your question answered anonymously.