College Breakup: Does Graduating College Mean Breaking up?
Graduation is a time of change and transition. It is a time when your old life comes to an end and a new life begins. At this time, you may be thinking of all of the things you will leave behind as the school year ends, such as your old campus and friends. But what about your boyfriend? Does leaving college mean leaving your college relationship? Does graduating college mean breaking up too? Not everyone breaks up with their boyfriend once they receive their diploma, but not everyone should keep him around either. It all depends on what you want and how your relationship currently stands.
Here are some things to consider.
After school ends, graduates move into a much bigger world. Do you know where you’re going to live after graduation? Do you know where your boyfriend plans to be? Maybe he still has a year of school left before graduation, but you want to move to a distant city. Would you be okay if your relationship was long-distance? Remember that long-distance relationships can be hard to maintain. Instead of seeing your guy in person every day, as you would in school, you would only see him on weekends and over the occasional vacation. Your dates would handled over Skype or by phone. Some people are capable of keeping relationships strong through these challenges–are you one of those people? Be honest with yourself.
2) Personal Goals
Everyone has personal goals for themselves, but sometimes these goals change after we graduate. Now is the time to ask yourself if you and your college boyfriend share compatible dreams. Are your lives moving in different directions or are they heading down the same road? Do you have high ambitions, while your boyfriend is content to futz around with his guitar in a backroom bar? Or maybe it is the other way around. Do you want a quiet life in a small town, while your boyfriend dreams of the big city? Make some time to ask your boyfriend what his dreams for post-graduate life are and ensure that they mesh well with yours.
3) The Question of Dependence
Leaving the college bubble can be scary. The world is a big place and you no longer have the structure of college life to keep you on track. Staying with your college boyfriend could ease some of the fears that come with moving into adult life. He’s a known quantity and he’s comforting. But, do you want to stay with your boyfriend because you love him or because he’s comfortable? Be honest with yourself about this. You deserve to be with a person you love and want to be with, instead of someone you’re just comfortable with. Your boyfriend deserves the same.
4) The Seriousness of a Relationship
Once you’ve decided to keep a boyfriend past college, the subject of marriage will naturally come up at some point. Is that something you can see yourself discussing with your current significant other? Or, if you can’t see yourself discussing marriage right now, could you see yourself being interested in the future? If you can’t see yourself marrying your college boyfriend, that doesn’t mean you don’t love him, but it may be something to consider when deciding whether to break up with him or not.
5) The Need for Space
Life after graduation can be confusing and some people need space to get their heads around all of their new responsibilities and freedoms. Ask yourself if now is the right time for a relationship. Do you need space? If you are one of those people who needs time to figure out your life, you might find your college boyfriend an unnecessary distraction to that goal. Maybe this would be the perfect time to take a break from your relationship.
During school, both you and your boyfriend lived the same student lifestyle. Now that school has ended, your lifestyles will change. You will get a job and go to work full-time. Hopefully, you will earn money. There is always the chance that your boyfriend’s circumstances will turn out differently than yours do. If this happens, then your lifestyles may differ wildly. If your guy is still in school, this will be doubly true as he will stay the same while you change rapidly. Ask yourself if your relationship is strong enough to withstand your changing circumstances.
7) The Status of a Relationship
Graduation is a perfectly natural time to evaluate the status of your relationships. Part of that evaluation is asking the question of whether the people in your life are good for you. Does your college boyfriend make you happy? Does he make you a better person? Do you spend your time together having fun or do you fight all the time? If you aren’t enjoying your relationship and you can’t see this changing in the future, then now would be the perfect time to break up.
In the end, every relationship is different and what you do, or don’t do, will be up to you and your boyfriend. But, don’t forget to have a serious conversation with him as soon as possible about your relationship post-graduation. Maybe he will have some ideas to contribute. The truth is, if you honestly feel like you two are meant to be together, then you will be able to work things through . There may be challenges, but your relationship will stand strong as long as you remember to communicate. And even if you’re still not sure whether your relationship is strong enough to last after graduation, there is no harm in trying. The worst thing that can happen is you break up.
If you are still unsure of whether or not you should ‘break up’, you can schedule a coaching session with Janelle where you will get clarity on exactly what you can do next. Click to schedule a session.