What’s the worst that can happen after a breakup?
Seeing your ex with someone new.
When we are still feeling attachment and heavy emotion has found it’s home in the pit in your stomach, it doesn’t take much to feel taken down after a breakup. Seeing your ex with someone new can be the worse situation you could imagine yourself in.
When you see your ex being affectionate with another person the way they were with you, it hurts. It really hurts. It digs down into your deepest fear, they are going to move on. Even though we know it’s going to happen eventually, we don’t want them to do it first and we definitely don’t want them to do it in front of us.
One of My Breakups
I went through a breakup. I saw it coming, not because of us butting heads or wanting different things from life. We were compatible in all the right ways, except our maturity levels and he had an addiction problem. Unfortunately, those are biggies when it comes to a relationship. We both knew it was time to let go.
One month after our split, I saw him out. I felt good overall throughout the night. I tried to avoid looking his way. I enjoyed my time with my friends, but as much I didn’t want to admit it, I missed him. It was our thing to go out together to shows. It was my first time going out without him. After the show, I ended up at the same after party as him. There were few people at this gathering and it was hard not to see him when he was right next to me.
My friend asked if I felt awkward. That’s when I looked over and saw it. My ex looked heavily drugged. Him and another girl were massaging, petting and he had his arms around her. I didn’t notice it at first. All night I felt so cool with stuff. I had a great time with friends.
I didn’t feel like I wanted to be with him anymore, but seeing him with someone else was hard. It hurt really bad. Not because I thought that he liked the girl. Not even because I thought the girl might like him. Not because I wanted it to be me. But because that used to be us, not too long ago. Because that will never be us again. I felt side swiped at this after party by some left over breakup emotions. Emotions I thought I had let go already.
I was completely sober. I took a breath in. I looked at them again. I told myself to let go of emotion I still felt for him. I closed my eyes and took another breath in. I allowed my body to move to the music. I danced to release. I danced to accept. I danced to mourn what could have been. I danced to heal. I danced to move on. I looked at them again. It wasn’t as bad as it was before.
I used breath and movement to heal. I felt frustrated at first that I was even feeling emotion, but I had to acknowledge what was felt. If I didn’t, I’d only bury it for a later date.
I took the worse case scenario after a breakup, and used it to catapult me forward. The next day, I felt lighter. I still had some emotion, but I had healed from seeing him with someone else. I also now know that if he does start dating someone new, I’ll be okay with seeing him.
So now, I have to say to my ex — Thank you for that experience.
You’ve helped me to move on even more.
I felt disrespected by you, but I forgive you.
How can you turn your worst case scenario into a valuable learning/healing experience??
If you have a question for ‘Ask Janelle’ about your relationship or breakup, send it over to [email protected] and you could get your question answered anonymously.