How Quickly Should you Move on After a Breakup?
If you’ve watched the TV series ‘Sex and the City’ you know Charlotte’s rule: You should take half the length of your relationship and that’s how long it takes to heal from your past relationship.
We love Charlotte, but relationships and breakups aren’t always that crystal clear. Each breakup, just like each relationship, is unique. Sometimes we’ve seen them coming a mile away and we were prepared when it actually happened. Other times, we were completely side swiped. We didn’t see it coming and it hurt really bad so the healing time was longer before we could get back on the saddle.
Here are 4 ways to Know When You Are Ready to Move On After a Breakup
#1 When you see your ex’s best friend, you aren’t charged up to talk about your ex with them. When we still have a good amount of emotion, seeing your ex’s best bud will only ignite all the frustration, anger, and other negative emotions. If you can handle a conversation without feeling pulled under the tide of emotion, then you are probably in a good place with the breakup. You may not be over them completely, BUT you are able to talk to their best friend without feeling upset or wanting to trash talk your ex. You may feel how good it was to see and talk to them.
#2 You can visit places that remind you of your ex without realizing it right away. There are some places that just remind you of your ex, especially when you just breakup. You might find yourself avoiding these places after the breakup because it’s just too hard to revisit the memories. As time passes, you’ll start to forget all the good memories you had together (don’t feel sad, it’s ok). You’ll start to forget that you relate the place with your ex. One of my ex’s family owned 2 businesses near my house. I felt angry everytime I drove by there. I would even take a different road sometimes if I remembered. Until one day, I realized I didn’t feel annoyed when I drove by. In fact, I forgot that they owned the business and had any connection with my ex. I just wanted thinking about him that much. I was ready to move on.
#3 You are looking at other guys, without feelings of just getting revenge. When we first breakup, we are looking at other guys(or girls). But right after a breakup, there can be a feeling of… “I’ll show him and move on!” When we feel this much charge, it’s typically because we aren’t over our ex. If you do end up dating someone new too soon, you may find yourself just comparing your ex to the new person too much and feelings of sadness may still come up for you…. which leads us to the next one.
#4 You stop feeling sad about your ex. There will be a time when you stop feeling sad and start seeing that it was the best thing for both of you. You will see the lessons that you learned in the relationship. You will be in a better place to move forward.
Use these statements are a guideline to moving on and getting back in the dating scene. They aren’t absolute, but they may help you see that you are ready to move on! When you are ready to move on after a breakup, you’ll know. Trust your instincts.
Bonus: How to know you are completely over our ex? You see them with someone else and not even flinch. You don’t have to get to this point before you can start dating. But if it does happen, you’ll know that it’s time for you to start opening your heart to a new opportunity coming your way.
When you do get back into the dating world, be gentle with yourself. Don’t rush something because it’s there. Get to know someone. Get to know yourself and more importantly, HAVE FUN!
If you have a question for ‘Ask Janelle’ about your relationship or breakup, send it over to [email protected] and you could get your question answered anonymously.