How to Know When to Breakup: Finding Others Attractive
Are you feeling confused about your relationship and wondering if you should breakup? My new video series ‘How to Know When to Breakup’, will help you figure out how and if you should end your relationship. In the first video of the series, I talk about one sign that it might be time to breakup–finding others attractive.
Here’s a word for word recap of the video:
“Hi, I’m Janelle Klander, creator of BreakupSchool.com, and you are watching the ‘How to Know When to Breakup’ video series to help you know when and if you should breakup. In this video we’re going to talk about what it means when you start finding others attractive.
So you’re starting to notice the hotties around you. This could be a sign that you’re getting close to the end of your relationship. It’s normal to start feeling attracted to other people when you’re less into your own relationship. ‘Cause deep down you know you have to keep your options open and forgetting that you’re in a relationship sometimes is part of this.
Personally, I know that when I’m at the end of my relationship I start finding guys more and more attractive. I don’t freak out. I just take it as a sign to start gradually accepting that the relationship is probably over. So it doesn’t mean you need to breakup right now, but it probably means that you can start preparing yourself for the end.
Has this happened to you?”
But maybe you’ve watched the video and are still unsure about whether you should breakup or not. If that’s the case, sign up for a Free Relationship Consultation. Schedule yours today and I can help you figure out the answer to that once and for all.
We’ve made it halfway through October and Halloween is just around the corner. Do you have your Halloween costume chosen yet? If not, I have an original idea for a costume that could help you attract good things in your everyday, uncostumed, un-Halloweeny, life. Interested?
When I was young, I would dress up in the fanciest clothes I could find and pretend I was an adult. I would wear my mother’s high heels and strut around my room, feeling powerful and amazing. Did you ever do anything like that? I’m sure, if you think about it, you have at least one memory that’s similar.
There is power in what we imagine and how we see ourselves. When we see ourselves as weak or insecure, then that is what we become. Similarly, when we see ourselves as powerful and independent, we become powerful and independent. When you “dress for the job you want”, you’re following this same principle. So, why not take this trick and apply it to your Halloween costume? Then your costume will do double duty as both a fun outfit for a night of partying and a tool of empowerment. That’s called multi-tasking.
One way to do this is by dressing up as your Goddess Self. Don’t know what your Goddess Self is? Your Goddess Self is the most powerful, ideal version of you that exists. She is beautiful and can look however you imagine her. She can be wearing jeans or a floor-length ball gown; full makeup or absolutely no makeup at all–whatever makes you feel utterly amazing, sexy, and confidant.
By imagining and then becoming your Goddess Self, you embrace all that makes you amazing as a person and then dial that amazing-ness up to 11. All of this positive energy makes you feel great about yourself and this confidence will last long after Halloween is over, a fact which will lead to overall improvements in your everyday life. When you’re feeling confident, good things happen and this will lead to you feeling even more confident, thus feeding a cycle of positivity.
This is also a great idea for someone looking to try something different this Halloween or for someone who is putting together a costume at the very last minute. If you can’t find something in your current closet that helps you embody your Goddess Self, then you can find something at any store that sells clothing. It’s an incredibly easy costume and it can lead to some incredible changes in your immediate future. Try it out and tell me how it works for you!
Single Girl is the woman behind 1 Year of Single, an online blog devoted to experiences in dating, breakup, and recovery. Some time ago, she decided to spend an entire year as a single girl and share that experience with the world. Recently, I decided to talk to her and get her take on how her decision to take a break from the dating scene has not only changed, but improved, her life.
Breakup School: What made you decide to spend a year single?
Single Girl: I wanted a long stretch of guilt-free time to spend on the healthy development of myself. See, at the time I was in the middle of a painful, drama-filled relationship with a guy who was going through a divorce. It was a situation that I swore I would never get myself into, but I had discarded my own intuition for advice from friends and went out with him anyway. Of course it was a huge mistake and I ended up falling for the guy, who soon-after returned to his bipolar, cheating wife. I not only told him to lose my number, but I swore off every facet of dating for a year.
It was at that point that I allowed myself to both recognize and embrace the full scope of my anger at the years I wasted in not listening to my own intuition on men who were more of a mess than I was. And sadly it all originally stemmed from my mother — a mentally unstable woman who raised me to believe that a husband would give my life value.
Breakup School: Well, it sounds like you had a good reason to take some time off from dating. But what do you hope to achieve by writing about your experience?
Single Girl: Writing is cathartic. And coupled with therapy, it’s downright life-changing. You may mull over a year of events and make some changes at the duration, but if you write about it — get it “on paper” and have others respond, saying either they’re in the same boat — or that I helped them — is a huge validation. And strangely enough, the most popular outlet has been Instagram. The punchy, vibrant posts have become so popular that I’ve replicated them on Twitter. The response and support has been overwhelming!
The changes I’ve seen in myself in the last year are staggering and I haven’t even fully sunken myself into my Goal list yet. I’m no longer doing all those unhealthy girl things quoted in movies like “He’s Just Not That Into You.”
But my overall goal? I want to be a woman that my future man will be proud of. Someone who isn’t sitting around waiting for a husband for my life to begin. Someone who doesn’t allow cheaters and alcoholics and liars back in simply because there’s a significant lack of quality gentlemen in the area. I want to follow my intuition without hesitation and be the person that others wish they could have.
Breakup School: That’s definitely a great goal to have. Of course, having said that, what would you say is the most important thing that you want your readers to take away from your blog?
Single Girl: They need to learn to trust themselves and know that they’re stronger than they may think. That it’s okay to take time to find out who you are before committing your life to someone. They need to NOT feel compelled to make 400 excuses for their exes. And most of all, that they never need to settle simply because there’s a lack of options.
Breakup School: Well, that’s something we can agree on. Nobody should ever have to settle on anything but the best. Now, on more a personal level – How has the experience of being single for a year been for you?
Single Girl: It’s been mind-blowing. It’s probably been one of the two most eye-opening experiences of my life. I’ve learned to value myself above all else, and it’s allowed me to both shed toxic people as well as open myself to new friends. My quality of living has increased exponentially.
Breakup School: Is there anything that has particularly surprised you about your experience?
Single Girl: Yes! Taking time off allowed me to evaluate men more objectively and I realized how scarce my dating options really were! It was at that point when I realized I was actually dating in the wrong environment. Basically: I was “looking for love in all the wrong places.”
Breakup School: I’m glad your whole experience has been working out for you then. What do you plan to do after the year is over?
Single Girl: My year technically ended on September 13. Ironically I was knee-deep in “me time” and didn’t realize the date was about to fly by! But I do have a plan: Move ahead with fulfilling my own self. I definitely don’t want to be single my entire life, but I refuse to sit around feeling like I have to wait for a man for life to start. My blog is going to get meatier — from breakup to recovery experiences, songs that heal, Instagram posts that make people not only laugh and agree, but actually cheer.
I met Cali and Emily from Slam Up, when they were on tour and made a stop in Minneapolis. I immediately loved them as they started singing Salt N Pepa’s – None of your Business. Aside from our mutual love of Salt N Pepa, I totally vibed with what these ladies had going on.
Cali and Emily describe Slam Up with- WHERE POETRY MEETS COMEDY. It’s true. The show bounces back and forth from ridiculous laughter to stiring your soul. It was a pleasure to be in their audience.
I had to get these ladies to hang out with me and talk about relationships, breakups and STDs. So here it is…..
Cali: Em, from a friend to a friend, this relationship needs to end
I just can’t stand aside and watch you cry your eyes dry
Maybe the tears are why you can’t see they let you hide
The dirty fact, that a door mat is what she’s made of your heart and it’s ripping you apart, which is ripping me apart,
You need to be apart from this girl who is ripping out your heart
PAUSE – DRUM CHANGE
Em: Yeah, I don’t care what you say, I’m not ending it
Tell me not to text her, I’m still sending it
Tell me to cut all ties, I won’t de-friend her til I die
Because I love her to death so save your breath, bestie
Stop judging my relationship
you’re trying to help but it is not needed
we are fine, i know we broke up 9 times
but it’s impossible to understand from the outside!
you are not aware of the really good times
you just hear about the bad,
like when she went behind my back
and LA LA LA LA LA LA LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT THAT!
Cali: Em, this needs to end, remember when she ended it?
then started getting with a friend
Effectively ending a friendship too, but wait didn’t take but two seconds ‘fore she’s running back to you.
Again and again, time after time Em
When’s the last time she wrote you a love note, she’s made you a foot note but you are a base note the root of the chord, your loves an open door. Opened for a treble clef, meaning she’s trouble chef, cooked up trouble then upped and left. They call stealing hearts theft for a reason. Please please PLEASE reason with me.
Em: yeah I Don’t care what you say, I’m not ending it!
Tell me not to text her, I’m still sending it OH YEAH!
Tell me to cut all ties, I won’t defriend her till I die
Because I love her to death SO SAVE YOUR BREATH
Stop fucking judging my relationship
Sure it’s not perfect, but what couple is?
Best friend, I don’t care what you say, She is here to stay
Because in my whole life I’ve never felt this way
Being so in love makes you a little CRAY CRAY
I’m not being defensive, because I will admit it
I AM TOTALLY IN LOVE AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT
Cali: It ain’t healthy to feel like you got sea feet on steady solid ground, only leads to tripping. Maybe I am callous, but it’s already hard to balance all
The shit in your life without a ready knife cutting plans to pieces. Em I don’t care how good she kisses you deserve the best and this is, this is making you a hot mess, and I miss having you be my base. Girl you can be that base, that belting, booming, badass bass line, bottom line you don’t need no off key treble
…DO YOU HEAR ME
Em: You’re not the one loving her,
you’re not the one fucking her
so what makes you think you have the
right to be the one judging her?
Cali: She’s not the one loving you,
she is the one fucking you
What makes you think you can say who I judge too?
Em: You’re not the one taking care, you’re not the one brushing her hair
You’re not the one who is scared…
Cali: She makes you impaired
She can brush her own hair
Shit, she makes me scared
Well I don’t care what you say, I’m not ending it!
Tell me not to text her, I’m still sending it (WITH A PICTURE OF MY TITS)
Tell me to cut all ties, I won’t de-friend her till I die